This is what I was talking about in my last post about Lashon Harah. It wasn't specifically that I was bothered by this particular law. What triggered my rant was the general mindset of people that govern their life by a set of stringencies that in an effort to protect us from ourselves are taking away our humanity, or ability to LIVE. Why don't we just shutter ourselves away from this world so we can be sure we don't transgress any commandment. Let's not live at all. I don't find joy in the fact that this particular halacha,as Tobie mentioned, "has no level of legal enforcability(sic) and is, practically speaking, ignored except when it actually makes sense". This culture, with its narrowing spiral of ever constricting and constraining halachot is what created this Golus Yid mentality. I am not proposing abandoning halacha, and frankly I don't know how far back this started, but I know that this mindset was not always present. And in some ways, this is what the chalutzim and maskilim(like Bialik) were rebelling against. They were looking for normalcy, a chance to make their own decisions, an escape from this protection for their own good.
As I re-read this post, I think the connection between the opening paragraph and the main topic maybe somewhat unclear. I am not decrying the fact that there is a halachic question about the suitability of the spouses of the cohanim. My point is that in the face of such a horrible tragedy, the men aren't able to react to it on a human level, to deal with their wives and what they just lived through. Their reaction instead is to ask a shaila of their rabbis.