Friday, February 08, 2008

Who says halacha is inflexible?

...Today, Goldblatt is the hottest, and only, frum porn star on record. His years of careful study proved to be the money shot which allowed him to pursue his career.

Concerning yichud, the cast and crew present during filming alleviate that concern. Nevertheless, the studio door is left open a wee bit to satisfy any chumras that may exist.

Concerning seeing a woman with her hair uncovered, most of Goldblatt's costars are single and if they're not they're usually adorned with hair extenstions, which qualifies as a sheitel. The Maikeldigeh Rav is always present to inspect for any traces of Indian hair.

Concerning spilling his semen in vain, he doesn't. Ever. By mandate of the JAPS (Jewish American Porn Stars) organization, all actors must wear condoms. This allows him to fake it and avoid trangression.

Concerning shomer negiah, Goldblatt has endured several intense meditations and numerous desensitization techniques to allow himself to reach a point where he is able to perform his job bli derech chiba.

Being frum has surprising conveniences in this field.[cont...]


Blogger Shoshana said...

You had me there for a minute. Then I realized it had to be satire. Hilarious.

February 08, 2008 8:38 AM  
Blogger -suitepotato- said...

"frum porn star"

One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn't belong.

My head exploded for a moment there...

February 08, 2008 10:43 AM  
Blogger Baal Habos said...

There's no need to even miss shiur. All filming is done after second seder.

February 08, 2008 12:55 PM  

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