But about a month ago I had another thought. What would I do if G-d actually revealed Himself to me personally? I couldn't take it. I'd probably go nuts. I don't think that I am a strong enough human being to survive such a revelation. So I recant my original desires. I don't want a personal revelation, but I still pray for a communal one. I guess this is another way of praying for the arrival of M'shiach. And maybe it makes this "religious atheist" a good Jew.