I'd rather have a bottle in front of me...

... than a frontal lobotomy.
-Tom Waits

That's right, step right up and watch this video from Tom Waits. That's right, it filets, it chops. It dices, slices, never stops, lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn. And it mows your lawn, and it picks up the kids from school. It gets rid of unwanted facial hair, it gets rid of embarrassing age spots. It delivers a pizza, and it lengthens, and it strengthens. And it finds that slipper that's been at large under the chaise lounge for several weeks. And it plays a mean Rhythm Master. It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar. And it's only a dollar, step right up, it's only a dollar, step right up...