Monday, February 08, 2010

A visit to Dubbelin town.

Oftentimes, the blogger At The Back of the Hill regales us with tales of all things Dutch. For a bit of variety, here is a link to a page of all things Dublin, where you may learn about such things as Dublin demographics:
Dublin has now expanded enormously but in olden days it was divided into two parts by the River Liffey: The Nortside (where all true Dubbeliners live) and De Soutside (full of homosexuals, foreigners, protestants, academics, teetotallers and WORST OF ALL culchies (see below)).

Or their educational system:
Traditionally every male (female contributors may wish to add their own experiences) in the country went to one of two types of school:

a) comprehensives and fee paying schools (where you do things like art and learn languages and do exams and learn to be a better individual)

b) de brudders (also know as those ignorant fuckers or that crowd of bastards or The Christian Brothers). Here you learned about Irish history, Irish culture and how to avoid getting the shit kicked out of you by big men (usually not from Dublin) in dresses.

Or what to do if you meet a Dubliner:

It is essential not to stare at these gentlemen, especially if you have a non-Dubbelin accent. You must cultivate a vacant intense stare (looking straight ahead or at the ground) and a lumbering slouch and must respond


or any meaningless grunts that might imply mild intoxication and a mean/non-educated disposition if they say ANYTHING to you. NEVER LOOK THESE PEOPLE DIRECTLY IN THE EYE!!! (Unless you are a 7th dan hard man or greater). If you do, you will be assumed to want to challenge said individuals. They will be forced to confront you with:

- You lookin at me pal?

The answer to this is ALWAYS:

- Sorry.

followed by a hasty exit. If you respond:

- No

the gouger will be forced to respond

- You callin me a liar?

And you are then in deep shite (see later lesson for excretions and secretions). The only way out then is to pretend to be Danish. That will leave them baffled long enough for you to run like the jayzis.


Blogger The back of the hill said...

Two notes about Dublin food:
1. Chipper vans. To quote from one of those famous novels by someone who dragged himself up by his bootstraps and so became a culchie; "Theers sod-all meat inna spice burger".
2. Amal Naj (author of 'peppers') describes walking past a row of houses at eventide, smelling the aromas of "boiling starch and burning fat" wafting from the kitchens, realizing that the only spices used in those domiciles would be salt and pepper, and promptly having an aching yearn for food with flavour. Of which there was then none to be had in that place.

February 09, 2010 2:57 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home