A visit to Dubbelin town.
Dublin has now expanded enormously but in olden days it was divided into two parts by the River Liffey: The Nortside (where all true Dubbeliners live) and De Soutside (full of homosexuals, foreigners, protestants, academics, teetotallers and WORST OF ALL culchies (see below)).
Or their educational system:
Traditionally every male (female contributors may wish to add their own experiences) in the country went to one of two types of school:
a) comprehensives and fee paying schools (where you do things like art and learn languages and do exams and learn to be a better individual)
b) de brudders (also know as those ignorant fuckers or that crowd of bastards or The Christian Brothers). Here you learned about Irish history, Irish culture and how to avoid getting the shit kicked out of you by big men (usually not from Dublin) in dresses.
Or what to do if you meet a Dubliner:
It is essential not to stare at these gentlemen, especially if you have a non-Dubbelin accent. You must cultivate a vacant intense stare (looking straight ahead or at the ground) and a lumbering slouch and must respond
or any meaningless grunts that might imply mild intoxication and a mean/non-educated disposition if they say ANYTHING to you. NEVER LOOK THESE PEOPLE DIRECTLY IN THE EYE!!! (Unless you are a 7th dan hard man or greater). If you do, you will be assumed to want to challenge said individuals. They will be forced to confront you with:
- You lookin at me pal?
The answer to this is ALWAYS:
followed by a hasty exit. If you respond:
the gouger will be forced to respond
- You callin me a liar?
And you are then in deep shite (see later lesson for excretions and secretions). The only way out then is to pretend to be Danish. That will leave them baffled long enough for you to run like the jayzis.