Thursday, September 21, 2006

Can't resist - TASHLICH

On the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, there is a ceremony called Tashlich. Jews traditionally go to the ocean or a stream or river to pray and throw bread crumbs into the water. Symbolically, the fish devour their sins.

Occasionally, people ask what kind of bread crumbs should be thrown. Here are suggestions for breads which may be most appropriate for specific sins and misbehaviors:

For ordinary sins
White Bread

For erotic sins
French Bread

For particularly dark sins

For complex sins

For twisted sins

For tasteless sins
Rice Cakes

For sins of indecision

For sins committed in haste

For sins of chutzpah
Fresh Bread

For substance abuse
Stoned Wheat

For u se of heavy drugs
Poppy Seed

For petty larceny

For committing auto theft

For timidity/cowardice
Milk Toast

For ill-temperedness

For silliness, eccentricity
Nut Bread

For not giving full value

For jingoism, chauvinism
Yankee Doodles

For excessive irony
Rye Bread

For unnecessary chances
Hero Bread

For telling bad jokes/puns
Corn Bread

For warmongering
Kaiser Rolls

For dressing immodestly

For causing injury to others

For lechery and promiscuity
Hot Buns

For promiscuity with gentiles
Hot Cross Buns

For racist attitudes

For sophisticated racism
Ritz Crackers

For being holier than hour

For abrasiveness

For dropping in without notice

For overeating

For impetuosity
Quick Bread

For indecent photography

For raising your voice too often

For pride and egotism
Puff Pastry

For sycophancy, ass-kissing

For being overly smothering
Angel Food Cake

For laziness
Any long loaf

For trashing the environment

For those who require a wide selection of crumbs, we suggest a Tashlich Mix available in three grades (Tashlich Lite, Medium, and Industrial Strength) at your favorite Jewish bookstore.

Wishing you and yours a wonderful and PEACEFUL New Year...


Blogger dbs said...

I can't believe you haven't gotten SOME comments on this. I darn near wetted my laptop. (You whimped out on "hot crossed buns", but I guess one must keep things tastfull.)

September 25, 2006 5:41 PM  
Blogger e-kvetcher said...

I never seem to predict what people comment on. The posts I hope get a lot of comments are usually barren. I don't know if my readers are afraid to offend me by disagreeing, or just plain have nothing to say...

Wishing you a Happy New Year!

September 25, 2006 7:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I don't know if my readers are afraid to offend me by disagreeing, or just plain have nothing to say..."

Probably slapping themselves upside the head for not seeing this before RH, so they could do Tashlich right. Great post. You covered just about everything. Michazeks my emunah.

Another anon

September 25, 2006 10:24 PM  

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