Monday, September 08, 2008


This pic of Krispy Kreme bacon cheeseburgers reminded me of an old Abdominal song:

I got a passion for fast food, that's undeniable
I like my food fried until
Everything be that same uniform shade of golden brown--
But don't pad it down, please
'Cause the grease be helpin' it slide down the hatch more easily
Drive-thrus on the other side of the road be teasin' me
Beckonin' and callin' like culinary sirens
Makin' me wanna divert my tires and just hop the median
To get my hands on some fries and a patty of meat
In between those two sesame-seed buns
Though it leads to the runs when I eat tons
I still need some, is my attitude
So if you spot a Kentucky, we're passin' through
'Cause Hammer's gone but the popcorn chicken remains
I can't get enough of those chicken remains
So, you behind the window-pane of the drive-thru,
Make me up a family-size, dude, plus could you slide through packets of sauce
One BBQ, one sweet-and-sour
Add a little flavor to this meat that I devour
****** to describe it as just "regular"
Tofu is the God? Fuck it, I'll stay secular
I worship fast food as the one and only deity
The only real sin in this religion is a diet, see
My confession booth be the drive-thru microphone
I get excited when my meal tastes like it wasn't made at home
If I wanted home-cooked, I'd stay at home
I want artificial ****** to the bone
Hitting fifty hot-wings at one sitting
When I say fast food's my life, I'm not kidding

I swear to God, I'll do it!
Fifty-wing suicide, right now, let's go...

If fast food's wrong, I don't wanna eat right
I'll probably get fat, and my dentist says my teeth
Might fall outta my head, well hey,
'Cause if the grub is greasy, I'ma gobble it

My fast food fetish is no flash-in-the-pan (pun intended)
I was sippin' Shamrock Shakes when they were invented
I ate Chicken McNuggets the first week they were available
I ordered so many that the girl behind the counter
Thought I wasn't capable of eating 'em
But of course, I did it...

Whether it moos, clucks, bleats, grunts or ribbits
Stick it in the deep fry and it's all food to me
When I'm in Qu├ębec, I catch ****** poutine
The poutine's ****** chiller
If meat is murder, then I'm a serial killer
'Cause I tend to mangle Junior Bacon Burgers from Wendy's
They always tempt me to be a jew who's friendly with pork products--
But don't tell my rabbi, he'll be, like,
"Oy vey, that Abs guy is definitely getting struck down!"
...if the grease doesn't get me first
But before my major arteries burst,
I got one last chance to chase my blues away
By makin' up a dime bag worth on Toonie Tuesday
That's ten chicken pieces, plus five orders of fries
And as a matter of fact--could I get it super-sized?
See, if I'm goin' out, at least it's on a full belly
And that right there is the leftfield philosophy.


Blogger The back of the hill said...

Krispy Kreme bacon cheeseburgers?


That's as bad as chicken-fried bacon strips.

September 09, 2008 6:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Looks like Bombay street food. Grease, sugar, mystery meat, and a dairy product. Something my sister in law would eat. A dozen of. The fat holy cow.

---Grant Patel

September 10, 2008 11:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You stole my lyrics.

January 30, 2009 1:01 PM  
Blogger e-kvetcher said...

Hey Anonymous,

Not sure what you mean - these are lyrics from a song by the rapper Abdominal. I just transcribed them here...

Are you Abdominal?

January 30, 2009 1:57 PM  

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