Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Hotel Lobby Dates

I need some help here. I keep reading about frum young people that seem to go on dates to hotel lobbies.


Is this some kind of code? I've been through a few hotel lobbies in my life, and never in my wildest dreams did a thought cross my mind "Hey, this would be a great place to bring a date!"


Blogger Tobie said...

Ah, well. I have no personal experience, but I think that the thinking runs something like this:

I need a place to have a date. Obviously, it must be a public place because anything else would be scandalous. It should be a place where we can have efficient and purposeful dialog, since that is the justification for this interaction. There is no reason to have other distracting activities, and anyway, most of them are immoral and/or frivolous. If possible, it should be inside, because it's possibly quite cold outside. And (I have heard) eating in front of each other is a stage of intimacy into which one should not embark lightly, and anyway, there is a limit to how long you can eat.

February 19, 2008 12:19 PM  
Blogger e-kvetcher said...

How about museums, a play or movie followed by discussion thereof in a coffee shop? I could probably think of a few more interesting places...

I wonder if I should invent some kind of webcam based frum dating service - you just talk to each other from remote locations. Efficient and purposeful. Also warm, not intimate, and non-scandalous.

February 19, 2008 12:34 PM  
Blogger Shoshana said...

I think Tobie has it pretty well. Additionally, the couple is usually dressed to the nines, so a fancy hotel is a comfortable place for such attire. And drinks at a hotel are relatively inexpensive, and you can sit as long as you want. It's a good place for "tachlis" - sitting and conducting an interview of the person you are sitting across from ;)

(Suffice it to say that I absolutely, positively refuse to go on such a date. I think it's ridiculous.)

February 19, 2008 12:55 PM  
Anonymous Miri said...

museums? plays?! G-d forbid a movie! what are you thinking? those things expose ppl to secular culture and possibly even thinking! you wouldn't want them to actually be able to make enjoyable conversation would you? that might lead to innapropriate intimacy.

February 19, 2008 1:35 PM  
Blogger e-kvetcher said...

OK, maybe I misunderstood the characteristics of the population under discussion. Are these daters part of communities that in no way interact with mainstream culture? it seemed to me that the people involved in this are reasonably integrated into American society (e.g. they use the Internet)

February 19, 2008 1:54 PM  
Blogger -suitepotato- said...

Maybe they want to scare people with the possibility that they might go to the desk and get a room.

February 19, 2008 2:41 PM  
Blogger Miri said...

As far as I understand it, this is mostly a chareidi practice. There are borderline-chareidi communities that probably do this as well; thank G-d, I'm nowhere near being part of that world, and so I don't have a very clear idea.

February 20, 2008 5:25 AM  
Blogger The back of the hill said...

Not entirely a Chareidi practice.

Back in the eighties I went on a few hotel lobby dates. As Tobie pointed out, they have the benefit of being indoor public places, and as Shoshana said, drinks are not an issue (especially if neither person drinks alcohol).

February 27, 2008 7:18 PM  

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